new hope

hope everyday is a new day. let's forget all the sadness and begin a brand new day.
i dun wan to be affect by anyone that not worth it. learning how to forgive..
suddenly one song come into my mind.

let the rain come down and wash away my tear.
let it fill my soul and drown my fears
let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
a new day has come!!!

hope i can really do it... gambatte!!!
thanks all my fren who support me along the way...
i really appreciate it.... thank u...

mistrustful!!!

yesterday, brian come near to me while the judges watching all the mv once more to make an evaluation for the mv. by the way, i agree some how what he did said to me. however, i know he is trying to protect himself and say it is my fault... i did not feel angry cause i know that he is trying to rebuilt the atmosphere. although he blame is my temper, but i am agree with him.. this all thanks to the shit face. both bitches knew acting very well... they kind of enjoy making fun around? she go to tell the other people for wat?
brian said that my video thing having problem. he said that my mv put a lot of effect inside. that's time which actually i call that 2 bitches to see what wrong inside my video and they din even said anything on my video...here now they said my one not nice at all...ok, then fine. i dun feel that i will going to say sorry to them which i ady do once. brian told me i am changing. i told him that i am not changing but actually i am a hot tempered person. i am like a volcano, once burst out, will need a long time to recover. watever they are trying to blame i dun really care. i just feel that this kind of mistrustful fren should not in my list. cause i dont know when i will be hurt by them again. this is not the first time. i need to get alone and finding for my new fren which can be trust. i never hope much. just one!

never think that our video will win this!!!

after queenie tell me that she saw others video, she told us that v got no chance to win. my video still ok. but they still stick to their video. ok.... the end will be ko...bye 20 marks....u are going to enter 6 feet underground....

fuck off....

i really feel damm piss off now... can anyone come and tell me what the hell is going on? i really get headache for this... i really wan to tell them fuck off... at first, there is no one doing the video for our moral assignment... i am the one who the beginning, eveyone like dun care about the project.now,in the middle of the way to progress the video, suddenly the shit face like wan to become the leader. if u wan to do leader, just tell me. i will let u go ahead. dun ever come and show me the shit face. i really hate her. she keep on saying that she dun know how to angry but i can see her acting in front of us. "so call dun know how to angry." huh, who said so. i can see her acting good in front of all of us. i almost can give her the award ady.

today:
a few things really make me feel upset. since no one is editing the video, so i said no matter what i will edit one set as the back up. suddenly xiang wei and carol call kennedy to edit as well. ok, i am fine if he willing to help cause he is not involve actually. i continuing to edit my video. here come the submission day. my one ady finish. i told them, worse come to worse, i still got a back up. suddenly, without our knowledge, they keep on saying that they wan to submit their video cause their video editing by kennedy,brian, xiang wei, carol and wilson. if their video is nice, i am fine however their video like jumping scene and keep on black out.not following the sequence. after the group 4 people look at it, they prefer my video. before this, they said that they will let queenie to decide cause she is the main character. what the hell now? when queenie said she prefer my video, they said they are going to vote now. brian told me that he will depend on the voting. if voting, for sure we will use their video cause they got so many people. queenie & the group 4 member told me that they sure win, this is not fair. after all, i just pass on my cd to them and i dun wan to care bout it ady. stick to them, whether they wanna to win or lose. i dun care. later the shit face go to tell everyone that i wan to be self-minded and stick to my video. now depend on them.

*however, i really feel upset cause i spend a few day to do all this. i even walk from suriamas to college(15 min) at 1 am. now, all my work gone. if their one is nice will be different story. too bad!!!!!!!
what thing that i had learn from here, do not work hard with this kind of group member, or else ,all ur work also useless. no matter how hard u do, they cant see & will said that u decide everything.

omg....

omg. i really feel that i'm running out of time. i have a bunch of assignment to do and now suddenly come to my mid term assessment. pooh. i need to do my assesment for bed making on the coming wednesday, however there are only 10 minutes given to do the whole bed. i just practice out and i had use the time more than that. i finished my bed around 12-13 minutes. haiz. the marks will only give until the 10 minutes. this really make me nervous. shit. i should do more practice on this. and now only i realise that i need to do moral and front office assessment tommorrow. how do i divide my time? the following day, i need to do some shooting at night and i need to go home early and take my video cam here. issh... how?

this thing really make me feel piss off...

what the hell is it? i really don't understand. is it their real attitude reveal or what else? how come they like to do something to hurt me?what hell is it?
isn't it we are friend? or just i'm the one who treat you as my friend?
i really feel seriously piss off with this. if you want to become the leader, just go ahead. i'm forced to do all this but since you are not obey to me, how about i elect you as the leader so you can do whatever you want. don't come and show me your shit face. really feel that you are so fate. like 2 sided person who is now reveal the part underneath the mask! sometime you are good and sometimes you really make me feel piss off. i learn a precious lesson from you. i would not believe you anymore. i will set a border in between you all from me so i would not get hurt and feel annoyed easily. if you enjoyed like this, why should i suffer for you? therefore, this is the best way to protect myself.thanks for your stupid attitude!i would not treat you as good as last time. i will revenge what you had did to me!

feel piss off!!! issh......

today we having meeting with group 4 about the moral project. we having the meeting and lunch together. while i'm eating, i try to explain wat we need to do to the group 4 members. then ,carolyn and xiang wei stand up and tell me that they are going to change their cloth first. ok, then find. i'm continuing my explaination to the group 4. when i'm finish. i rush inside the locker area and change my cloths. after that i was going inside the girl's locker area. then i saw xiang wei and carolyn there with yuen ling. i put on my head and my scart. then i wanted to go toilet. suddenly xiang wei say bye bye venice, i started to feel piss off. i told back. yes, both of u always leave me and say bye bye to me. when u really wait for me? then i went in the toilet and shut the door loudly. i do not care how they feel but i relly feel piss off. when i came out from the toilet, they are still there and try to wait for me. i pretend i do not know they are waiting for me. i jsut go out and one. carolyn went out first then the door close and i just kick the door and the door was loud. then i walk asap. i do not want to wait for them. they know i was angry and not dare to near me after that. the question is cant they wait? is just a while. this is not the first time. i feel like i have been left behind. this fucking feeling which i hated so much.

30/10/2009

worse thing come to me today. i never expected what had happened today. my mickey passed away. i feel very sad cause he is too small and not to suffer like this. i only know this after work in sz and it is around 11 smtg. my dad told me that my dog has passed away today. of course i asked him wat happened? then he told me that he been torture by the big dog at the road when he go out and piss outside. my parents was busy preparing the thing to sell therefore, they did not know my dog was murdered by the dog outside. according to my dad, mickey die in very brutal way which his bone was split into 2 parts. i can feel the pain when i know this from my dad.sorry mickey.I'M SO SORRY.. sorry.sorry.sorry. that i did not protect u. rest in peace mickey. hope u will get a better owner in the coming life. i will pray for u. pls forgive me